I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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