Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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