I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
