When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
