its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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