I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
