I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Randomize
