I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
