Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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