Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
