so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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