If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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