it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
