I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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