sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Jerry, you need to find god
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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