I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
