you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
