I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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