Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
