I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
