If i come over, it means nothing
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
