Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
