You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
