i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
