Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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