I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
