The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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