Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
