I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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