you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
