I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
