My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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