Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You brought string cheese to the strip club
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
