you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
