Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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