hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
