Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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