I think my vagina is haunted
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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