I wanna passion pit in your ass
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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