I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
