I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
