No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
