capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
