I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
