mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
