Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
