Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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