It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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