"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
