My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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