As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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