I could make wine with my vomit
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
