i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
