Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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