you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
